Well, the past couple of days have been...trying.
Dyllon and I are moving into our new loft apartment, and we only found out about it on Sunday, and we already have everything moved in. I think that should be labeled as an accomplishment, along with an excuse for not only skipping school this morning, but my stress level being only slightly elevated. But I love my new place, and i'm so ready to make it beautiful. It's such a blank canvas, and so much more inviting than my old place. Let's list what I like more shall we.
-It's well lit. I don't have to use my lights as much during the day, it's not a damn dungeon.
-The bedroom is so much bigger.
-There are 2 closets in the bedroom, and they run the length of the wall.
-There's a shelf in the bathroom.
-The bathroom mirror is bigger.
-We have a balcony.
-My bedroom window goes out to the roof. (see example)
You can bet I'll be sneaking to the roof when no one is home. I'm such a hipster at heart.
-The kitchen has wrap around counters and cabinets.
-Dyllon let me put the bed on the floor.
There is more, but I will talk more about my house later. I need to keep talking about today. Well, while I was at work, Dyllon's friend Josh sent me a message, telling me that he and Dyllon's brother weren't coming to Dyllon's bachelor party unless they went to a strip club. Which is kind of messed up in my mind, so I asked him why, and he said "because it's a bachelor party, why else?"
This sparked a thought in my little brain.
Something I have always wondered, is why a man wants to go out and go see another woman take off her clothes, the night before he marries the woman of his dreams? One last chance to mess up your relationship? One last look at another woman naked? One last chance to cheat? I don't get it. I never have and I never will. It disgusts me. I have already clarified to my ladies that I don't want all of the typical "penis" party favors, one, because I think they are nasty, and 2, I want to respect my girls and myself.
To me, a night spending time with my ladies, giggling because I'm about to marry my prince, is so much more appealing than a naked man rubbing himself all over me. Maybe I'm just classy. Maybe I'm weird. But that's how I see things.
Regardless of my opinions, Josh was persistent until I said something to Dyllon, and ultimately ended up settling on going to the shooting range. Which pleases me. I want my future husband to have a wonderful night, but I don't want to have to plan it for him. I have too much other things to do. Like.. EVERY OTHER FREAKING THING. Lol. no, but for real.
Not to mention, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by Dyllon's family. About a week ago, I messaged his mom to ask her when we could get our nails done (She promised me a mani-petty as a wedding gift) And she proceeded to let me know, that she would be going out of town until the day before the wedding. Not only was she ditching out on my "future mother-in-law" time, but she would be missing the rehearsal. Which is a big deal to me. I didn't think I was a bridezilla until that moment. Ultimately it was all resolved as of last night. But I just have a hard time. It has been a struggle since day one to get D's family to accept me, given that he ended a 3 year relationship to be with me, but I feel like I've gotten somewhere with it, especially lately. His granny (who was really hard to get through to) and I have had quite a few heart to hearts. Even though I'm still having trouble believing that she truly prefers me over his ex girlfriend. I even dreamed that she told me otherwise, last night. I know my problem is trying to make people like me, but I can't help it, it's always been my goal to be accepted. I don't know why and I hate that I am that way, but it's kind of like a bad habit, that I can't seem to shake.
Sometimes, though, I feel like Josh just says shit to piss me off. He is always telling me to "tell Dyllon this" or "Ask Dyllon if he this" NO. STOP. Just ask him. I liked Josh and all (kinda) But I don't get it. He and I were on SHIT terms when Dyllon and I first started dating because he was still best friends forever with Dyllon's ex, but now, I feel like Josh is trying to convince Dyllon that the single life is better. It really upsets me, but all Dyllon has to say is "yeah that's just how Josh is" or "You don't know him like I do" Well. I MAY NOT, but that doesn't mean he can disrespect me. Desrespect doesn't fly well with me lately. I'm trying really hard to be a woman of God and spread peace throughout, not get ill easily and control my temper, but sometimes it's hard when I feel like i'm being pushed into the corner, and Dyllon is king of the world. I mean, I know that HE is their family, but I am about to be his WIFE. You know... me and him. God first, me second, in his eyes. That's how the Word preaches it. God first, Me second, our future children 3rd, and then everyone else follows suit. He and I are paired for life. Children and anything else, are a temporary commitment.
Proverbs 31:10 says
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
Ultimately, my goal in life is to have his respect until the end of time, and not give him any reason not to protect me. The question that racks my brain is, why can't others see that. Why can't I seem to make others see what is the real truth, and what I see. What he sees. It's just us now. No one but God comes above.